One of the most common root issues, or stumbling blocks, that transpire as I work with a client is relationships. The question that inevitably pops up, sooner or later, is: “but is he (or she) the right person for me, or are they wasting my time?”
Understandably, and unknowingly, to my client, their life comes to halt, thrown off balance creating a more discordant life; as they focus mostly on figuring out the answer while ignoring other important areas of their life and their personal development.
Perhaps this is common mostly of women, not that I believe woman and men are completely different beings. It could be argued that their motivation and thinking process are different; however, they both remain complex emotional human beings looking for happiness in the company of their significant other who would support, bring out their best, and inspire them to fulfil their dreams and life goals.
While love and finding the right partner is a very important aspect to being happy and feeling fulfilled; does “love” really have to be that complicated? Form my experience; it does not.
If you are currently in a similar situation, my advice to you, whether you are strong minded confident person, or one who suffers secretly from low self-esteem; is to be careful that it is not you who is wasting her/ or his time by going down the rabbit hole.
This is because your brain loves a good challenge, and the stronger your ego is, or the more vulnerable it is, the more the challenge of solving this riddle seems rewarding – to the determinant of having a harmonious life, staying in the flow and keeping your life options open.
Is your potentially-significant other wasting your time, seeing you on and off, or has been giving you mixed messages? Are they right for you? Well I hope the following concepts will help put you out of your misery for once and all.
- Relationships are a Two-way street.
When it comes to relationships of any kind, what you are looking for is a balanced flow of communication, or interaction between both parties. In a successful relationship, the dynamic is more like a match of tennis where one would (serve a ball) give and also receive in return- an interactive play. When the giving and receiving is not in balance, the relationship will not grow. You can also bet your bottom dollar that it will not work either. If you like, there is no paly – so, move courts!
- Relationships are an investment.
In any relationship, be it personal or professional, you invest your most valuable commodity – your time, as well as thought and energy. You also hope that your investment will yield benefits and grow with time.
As with any investment, your awareness is called for to observe what you are getting back as a return over time: love, respect, partnership? If you are not getting anything definite, or feeling insecure and frustrated; then you’ve already got the answer to your riddle – only you’re probably ignoring it. If the return on your investment is neither significant nor consistent, cut your losses short, withdraw your investment, close the account; and move on.
- Are in –ve or +ve resonance?
Don’t be fooled if your unsatisfactory relationship goes on for a long while. It does not mean it will get better – you’re probably both in sync or the wrong reasons!
Here’s how you find out: ask yourself, whether your potential significant other brings out your best (what I call positive resonance), or your worst (negative resonance)?
If your intention is to have the “right” relationship, then what are you doing waiting, and spending your time and energy on a mysterious one? Intend on being loved in equal measure, and that you deserve better; and you will attract someone who treats you that way (+ve resonance).
On the other hand, if you are not sure yourself who or what you want in a relationship; then you will attract confusion and ambiguity (what I call negative resonance). So, learn from current and previous failed relationships, and clarify your mind as to why and what you are looking for in a relationship.
- Don’t settle for mediocracy!
I often hear clients describe their less than happy relationship by saying “but when it is good it is good; and when it is bad it is really bad” Remember these two words: significant and consistent. Behavioural patterns rarely change, unless one is aware and willing to recognise and change them – so don’t make yourself dizzy analysing their behaviour when you need to be aware of yours.
When you change your pattern, so would the other. If you are sure of what you want, then you will be in alignment with your intention, and you would realise it. This is how things materialise: We attract what we believe, and our intention is the greatest force that galvanises our experiences.
- Do not lecture your potentially significant other.
Generally, when women are unhappy in a relationship, they often tend to lecture their men while what they are really doing is telling themselves off!
If you feel that your potential significant other needs lecturing, then they are not who you are meant to be with. What you need to be looking for is a reasonably well-adjust and mature person who has, reasonably it really means that he is not ready, or not aware of his choices or his commitment; and obviously not mature about making decisions and rising up to the challenges of life and emotional growth. As you rightfully said, he has been giving you mixed signals. Therefore, move on, close that investment, and intend on attracting a fulfilling relationship.
- Do not behave as a spouse – until you are one.
I think this one is straight forward.
- There will always be another.
Will there be another one? Of course, and why not. You will constantly evolve when you become aware of your thoughts, your beliefs, your patterns, and accept the signals that present themselves to you instead of keeping a blind eye.
Life is about us realising that we have self-will, we need to be clear of what our motives are, and not to manipulate anything out of fear (for example, “I can’t let this one go in case I never meet another”. If this is your belief, then this is exactly what you’ll consistently draw to yourself.
have a good life!