Depressed: My Mother Passed Away

This letter is from a bereaved, and overwhelmed reader asking for help

Dear Sahar,

I’m slightly (well, very) depressed deep down still about the passing away of my mum to be honest. Also the fact that my boyfriend has kids is really a concern, as I want our child together to be his first experience.



Dear Marissa,

We have to meet and talk about those issues, I could write about this forever. I think I understand how you feel.

From what you say, your partner seems to be a special man, and it does not matter whether your child is his first experience or not! It is his first experience with you anyway. No two experiences are the same. Honestly, in the big scheme of things, it does not matter. He might even treasure that more or in a different way since it is yours.

When you are a couple, and in a stable relationship, your partner’s children from a previous marriage; become part of your present life together. They are part of his life, and you cannot separate them from him. The sooner you accept this and appreciate it the better.

There is no competition nor does it have to be one. It is the past, do not allow it to haunt you, and children, no matter whose are they, are always a treasure. They are people too! Just imagine: they are the off springs of your favourite person! There is so much you can show them and teach them and exchange with them-spiritual level or not, it does not matter who our real parents/children are. It is all about the nurturing the connection whether it is a direct biological one or not, and about experiencing love and family connection whoever they manifest.

About your mom, try to close your eyes when you go to bed, and see her face starring you really upfront and close. In your mind, ask that you connect with her, see her or dream about her. Some people can do this right away, others after having practiced few times. You will dream of her and connect in that way.

Also, light a tea-light candle and place it in front of her picture, for example. In fact anywhere, it does not matter. The important thing is this: as you light the candle, just mentally think if her and dedicate that light to her memory or your intention. I believe the intention get “delivered” and it would let her know that you are thinking of her. I do this regularly, whenever I light a candle. I dedicate the light to my deceased loved ones, and often feel a deeper connection. Make your own dedication to that effect.

One more tip: which I think I told you about during your session, but I will mention it here again: write her a letter with all that is on your mind, and burn it (safely) afterwards. Then, throw the ashes to the wind. It’s a symbolic act and the sending the energy in this way might help deliver your message! This has helped me a great deal when my father passed away. It also helped to release the sadness and the deep grief.

Lots of love and light to you,


© Sahar Huneidi, first published Jan 2004

About Sahar Huneidi-Palmer
Author, Columnist, Holistic Therapist & Personal Mentor; helping my clients achieve the life they are meant to live since 1992. I am passionate about demystifying the abstract, podcasting & and love Turkish coffee!

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