TThere are tips for the professional woman: some of which follow:

·         Invest in Yourself:

As a daughter, sister, friend, wife and/or mother you may have instinctively put others first. Nevertheless professional women are increasingly aware that to fulfil the needs of others your own must be attended to.  Of course, if you do too much for those around you, this breeds dependence and it becomes a vicious circle. Start being more selfish at home and, once you’ve grown accustomed to the principle of putting yourself first there, you’ll find this notion has an uncanny way of creeping into other areas of your life.

·         Make Time for Yourself

Mothers, in particular, have had to get away from the idea that parenting is a role of self-sacrificing servitude. To offer the family the best of yourself, you have to look after yourself. Do not view time for relaxation or doing something for you as an indulgence. Rather, see it as an investment for you and your family. This is not just a thinly veiled justification for being selfish; it’s a fact. If you do what makes you feel good or fulfilled, then you will naturally feel better in yourself, have greater self-esteem and a healthier zest for life. While we can all say ‘but I just don’t have the time’, it’s a matter of prioritising and something has to give. Time for you is important and if it means that some chore doesn’t get done or that you have to enlist the help of family and friends then so be it.

·         What You Can Do:

You know better than anyone what it is that gives you the greatest pleasure or the best sense of fulfilment. You’ll almost certainly have your own ideas for ways to indulge yourself and to relax. However, here are a few suggestions garnered from other professional women to achieve that bit of extra time:

Don’t try and pack domestic chores into your few free hours. Instead of food shopping, for example, have a massage – and order on-line from a supermarket home delivery service that night.

·         Relax your standards – sounds strange, doesn’t it. But that simply means that your house doesn’t have to be spotless the whole time. If it means getting to your pottery class, you can turn a blind eye to a bit of a mess, surely? There’s always time to tidy up before visitors arrive.

·         Have a sacred space or part of the day where nobody disturbs you and where you can relax temporarily. Even if it’s just a corner of your bedroom for five or ten minutes, get into the habit of making that space or that time sacrosanct.

·         Make time to talk to your partner. Between individual work, social and domestic commitments, you can become ships that pass in the night. Set aside a little time each day to exchange news and to talk, preferably without interference.

·         Consciously relax. Sometimes you may catch yourself on the way to work or while doing some chore and your shoulders are up around your ears. Make an effort to learn a breathing or relaxation technique and employ it regularly throughout the day.

·         Use baby-sitters for ‘self-time’ rather than just for work or social engagements with partner and friends.

·         Mothers should commit to giving children and loved ones a certain amount of time each day with your undivided attention. This is their time and it should be important to you both – and far better than begrudgingly giving half your attention for what seems like hours and hours on end.

For more information also see www.balancedlives.info

Balanced Lives training is aimed at women of all ages who, due to circumstances, find themselves lacking in confidence, have self-esteem or self-image concerns.

Courses are tailored for those who need to:

·         create balance in their domestic lives:

·         find peace within;

·         learn assertiveness skills;

·         deal with strong-willed, demanding children without subjugating themselves;

·         even out inequalities in their relationships;

·         discover what fulfils them;

·         find ways to relax and deal with the pressures of life.

Practical Application: Case Study of Practical Spirituality:

For me this has worked through:

·         Choice of legal Practice – environmental and ethical areas

·         Communication works – writing, workshops etc

·         Family Life – flexible home and family!

·         Voluntary Activities – international and cross-cultural

One initiative I have launched with a colleague that is representative of my efforts is Women in Law Ltd. When you have a moment I would urge you to look at www.womeninlaw.com as it is not aimed only at lawyers but at professional women and business women.

Briefly the objective of the Women in Law Newsletter is to provide a reliable network for women lawyers and an opportunity for communication between women practitioners. Issue 1 was launched in December 2003 and has been very well received. It will represent an ongoing resource for up-to-date information on relevant areas of general topical practice - including comparative and international matters of interest – and provide strategic alliances with other professional individuals and associations, including the health sector, life coaching and nutritional experts.  In addition it will address issues that women should consider in order to:  

o        ensure a life work balance;

o        be really effective in professional activities; and

o        feel truly fulfilled.

Therefore, there will also be a focus on achieving harmony in this notoriously difficult area. All of these priorities resonate with women around the world and they cross all cultures, boundaries and barriers. My intention is that the Women in Law newsletter will provide a safe forum for mutual support and advice on these life-enhancing issues that affect us women in the interests of balance and practical spirituality.

I would like to hear more about how it has worked for others in their lives in the concurrent session, as well as to discuss the meaning of my definition of balance – word by word – with alternatives.

In closing I would like to ask yourselves a few pertinent questions:

• What aspects of my life am I most passionate about?
• What are my unique talents and my strengths?
• Have I recognized what motivates me?
• What does success mean to me?
• What purpose would I like to give my life?
• How can I prioritise my time more effectively?
• How can I improve my life every day?
• Do I live by the values I believe in?
• Do I listen to my intuition when I make a decision?
• Are my actions in tune with my values?
• Do I show respect to myself and others?
• How important is my family life?
• Am I willing and able to take responsibility for my self?
• Can I laugh at myself?
• Have my values and priorities remained the same or are they changing? 
• Do I regularly read inspirational books?
• Who can give me valuable feedback or be a mentor?
• What is balance to me?

Then please remember some of the stated effects of an unbalanced life:

• Finding life a struggle, feeling of general fatigue;
• Signs of physical wear and tear;
• Neglecting basic health needs, sleep, nutrition, fitness;
• Signs of unhealthy or excessive stress; and
• Strain on personal relationships

So smile and begin to “be always loving and naturally calm everywhere”.

Let me leave you with one contemplative exercise, breathing naturally:

Peace Within, Peace Without

Bless this day and make it peaceful and happy

Re-energise and strengthen me

And channel me to my good

Dr Linda S Spedding, www.womeninlaw.com

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