Dreams: ‘Coming Out of The Closet’?

Much of what is going on in the world right now is to do with achieving a balance between male/female energies, or Yin and yang

Hello Sahar,

I’m hoping you can give me some answers.

Ever since I can remember, I have been dreaming about me as a male. I have always dreamed about women. Some of their faces and dreams have forever stayed in my mind over the years. I am now 34 and gay. I used to think something was wrong with me and I would hide my dreams and true self in fear of rejection from family and friends. However, four years ago I decided to come out. I moved to a different city and have a different circle of friends. Ever since I decided to come out and moved to another city, when I dream, I don’t see myself in my dreams. I just know that I am who I am in my dreams whether it be a male, female or sometimes I just am. Weird!

Anyways, I always dream of women, either they comfort me, love me, help me, listen to me, please me, but mostly they are with me as a partner. They never fight with me or talk back at me or anything negative towards me. When I’m awake, I remember the dreams in detail. Sometimes, I am even looking forward to dreaming and seeing one of them again. It’s weird. I am a happy person in a comfortable relationship. I like my partner but the love and passion is missing. However, I’ve noticed that when I’m sad or feeling a little depressed a woman will appear in my dream comforting me. I’ve never seen the same women twice or at least I can’t remember.

Please advise. I believe in reincarnation, spirits, etc. Am I, unknowingly & subconsciously, creating these dreams?


Dear Aries,

I had to literally sleep on your email to investigate what is happening. Most interesting!

I feel, that yes, we are always creating our dreams whether consciously or unconsciously. Please read my article on Dreams: Sleep on It! Dreams are one way for the brain to air-out possibilities or try different realities. Another function, is that we live what we yearn for, that is we literally tap into the energy of something or a life that we desire, we live it while we are asleep; so we when we wake up it feels really vivid and real (and it was on psychic level).

However, I also feel that you are truly ‘travelling’ in your dreams to other lives, past lives or parallel lives (time is not linear, all realities exist at the same time on that level); and you were seeking comfort and courage to do what you have to do in this life; which is to support women in general. That is why you chose a body of a woman in this life, added to that being gay. In other wards, you are shattering the narrow-minded view of sexuality and how it is perceived my most.


A soul chooses an incarnation to help its growth cycle until it understands that we are all, we are all an expression of the Divine. A soul, who has abused power or authority in a previous life, may choose an incarnation where it leads a humble life; or reincarnates as part of a minority group, for example, where injustice is being done in order to understand the other side of the coin.

As such, sometimes, men who have abused women in various ways in past lives can come back reincarnated as a woman to understand the injustice they did onto others. I feel, while this is not your case, you actually did well by other women as a man in previous lives; your dreams and the women you meet in your dreams support that. However, in this life, you are advancing further the cause of ‘womanhood’, or the understanding of feminine or female principle by choosing to come back as a gay woman; having brought forward your positive experiences as a male in other lives.

Trends In Humanity

Much of what is going on in the world right now is to do with achieving a balance between male/female energies, or Yin and yang; to honour the power of the feminine or intuitive in both men and women. My spiritual understanding, and the result of reading many books on the subjects including channelled material by various authors, leads me to believe that is why many souls are coming back as gay, to allow the majority of people to shed their narrow-minded beliefs and understanding that gay people are also an expression of the Divine, and to redress that balance between feminine and masculine.

I feel, this is what you are accomplishing in this life, and that is why your dreams were on that frequency. Since you decided to come out, your dreams changed, because in reality and a basic level we are just humans trying to fulfil our purpose – so it does not matter how we see yourself. You seem to have accepted that in your psyche on a deep level, and thus you no longer see yourself as a man or woman. You have become the ‘eternal observer’, your true identity or essence which is your soul.

On a soul level, we do not have a gender, we are beings of light. In other words, you seem to have integrated your soul reality with your physical reality, and now that you have decided to come out the tension between the two levels of perception seems to have disappeared. Hurrah to you!

Additionally, I feel your dreams reflect that your soul is quite an old and wise one too! You seem to be able to astral travel and have lucid dreams. May I suggest that teach yourself to navigate your dreams? See if you can realise that you are dreaming, while you re dreaming, and ask people you meet in your dreams for more information on how you can grow, and who they are etc. Always write down whatever impression you remember when you wake up. Soon, the picture will become complete.

Please check books page on my main web site for suggestions on useful dream books to read (which are my favourite!). Also, check Journeys Out of the Body Robert A. Monroe Souvenir Press Ltd 1989. This is a classic work on out-of-body travel by Robert Monroe who since then has set up the Monroe Institute to help others discover their true selves beyond the physical body .Highly recommended.

A friend of mine, Khaled, and I were reading these books at the same time. We were both interested in astral travel and lucid dreams. While has been a natural, like you, I had to work at it! So, we agreed on where to meet in the astral; and in the morning we would compare notes. I even suggested that he pinches me in the dream state, to see if I were to see a mark on my arm when I had woken up I did! My point is, have fun in your dreams, learn how to direct them and learn from the wisdom they offer.

Now, as far as this current relationship you’re in, well, perhaps you needed a balanced, drama-less, relationship to feel secure about ‘coming out’. However, never settle for second best. We are all entitled to seek the ideal fulfilling relationship in this life, it is very much at the centre of a soul’s spiritual growth. When we are in the right relationship, the stability and fulfilment provides much emotional security that we are able then to carry own and manifest our dreams and ambitions being supported by the love of our partners.

Perhaps, if you feel you otherwise have a solid foundation with the current partner, it is worth building on that by having more open communication as to what both of your expectation are. If your partner is willing to listen and both of you’re willing to work on it, then it is worthwhile nurturing that relationship. Only you can gauge what you’re going through, and navigate your life accordingly, but always from the heart. That way both souls, yours and your partner, can grow in a positive way.

Love and light,

Sahar Huneidi

For a list of suggested book on Dreans please click here.

About Sahar Huneidi-Palmer
Author, Columnist, Holistic Therapist & Personal Mentor; helping my clients achieve the life they are meant to live since 1992. I am passionate about demystifying the abstract, podcasting & and love Turkish coffee!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.


This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.