No matter how well and how far you tread the spiritual path, basic emotions can still pop up in your life when you least expect them. At these times you are forced to deal with emotional upheavals. This can be a trying experience to say the least, particularly when it comes to dealing with jealousy.

 

You may meditate for hours on end, walk on hot coals or experience multidimensional realities, but this does not mean that you are also able or equipped to handle all basic human emotions with maturity, integrity and elegance.

Sometimes you can sit back and look at life and it makes you wonder where the spirit of mutual trust and sharing is. It is essential to address these emotions, as they will not go away on their own. In fact, if you continue to ignore them, they will surface time and again to threaten your well being. In my experience, the manner in which you react to such emotional jabs and the degree of their impact on your psyche and life are proportional to the length of time you ignore them! This is an aspect of self growth, your personal homework, where it doesn't get better with time but with practice.

Jealousy and other primal emotions represent an opportunity to bolster your resolve and to continue your personal growth. Ancient Taoists believe that we store a spectrum of emotions in various organs of the body. And when the balance is not consciously maintained through systemic practices and means, the body, mind and soul get out of alignment. And the impact of human emotions, whether good or bad, will be greater and more amplified the greater the imbalance.

To many, jealousy and envy are similar. However, modern philosophers and psychologists see conceptual distinctions between jealousy and envy.

For example, the American philosopher and Harvard University professor, John Rawls makes a distinction between the two on the ground that "Jealousy involves the wish to keep what one has, and envy the wish to get what one does not have". A child, for example, "is jealous of her parents' attention to a sibling, but envious of her friend's new bicycle".

  However, take heart for emotions are part and parcel of being human. All of us can sometimes feel jealous. Even Saints are tested. Your sensitivity to emotional impacts develops in parallel with your awareness.

The more aware you are, the more ‘sensitive' you become to your emotional environment. So, unless you keep your ego and self-esteem in check, you are likely to experience a roller-coaster ride of amplified emotions.'

If you fail to deal with such emotional issues, things will get worse; eventually they can get so bad that they come to a crisis. We must therefore acknowledge our emotional problems, face them, understand where they stem from and develop by overcoming them.

Dear Beatrice,

I am glad you chose the words ‘irrational’ to describe your feelings – that’s a good start! The rationale within what I explained in the article. You feel jealous because your self-esteem is low. If you lack self-confidence you feel vulnerable and threatened. You therefore become more sensitive and your ego bruises more easily. So you interpret what you experience and think or react accordingly.

The other aspect to consider is that dynamic of any committed partnership or marriage. Sometimes marriages fall apart because the couple stop working on their relationship and they stop paying attention to each other. They settle into a routine, living each new day as an extension of the one before. So, they stop developing as individuals and stop communicating. To tackle self-esteem, begin by simply focusing more on you, what you can do to make yourself feel better, and less on others.

Continue to learn and develop. Ask yourself if: are you an interesting companion to your husband, and a stimulating company to others in your life? Do you look after your appearance, health, fitness and so on, or do you ignore yourself and wallow in self pity (because that in itself is energetically unattractive)?

Self-pity leads to misery. A holistic approach, learning to express yourself, where you also channel your talents and abilities, will help you to build a better view of yourself. Keeping an open lien of communication with your husband will help your marriage as well. You will not feel vulnerable, and your self-esteem will rise.

Love and light,

Sahar